Yet another rant post!

I happened to be seeing this really pathetic excuse for what is supposed to be an advertisement. The basic idea is that some ugly looking cheap japanese bike just got itself an electric start capability.

Guess what the ad depicted?

The entire country is going about their work using the kick-pedal for their jobs. Like - a sardar at a dhaba is mixing buttermilk using the kick-pedal as the ladle; shoe-mendicants are sticking together soles of shoes and slippers and using the kick-pedal as the hammer; people are scratching their backs using this kick-pedal.

I barely managed to resist the temptation to barf at this excuse of an ad.

I wonder how did the marketing "Gurus" @ that company (oh I didn't tell which bike it was - TVS Star-City - as expected, an Indian company that probably hired a measly pipsqueaking miserable failure of an ad-manager) even manage to ok the budget for this stupidity.

What do the ad guys think their common idiot-box worshipping audiences are? Mindless and uncomprehending retards?

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What kind of scoundrels are we electing? What kind of government sends its farmers 3 f***king rupees as compensation.

Unquotable and highly unparliamentary words come to mind which can't even being to quantify the anger I have for the retards we elect.

Contrast this with the hoopla that we give for hearing that Ambani is a millionaire. Beyond a particular point, this stupidity begins to abuse your sensibilities to such an extent that you really feel pained to continue to work in India.

I know, I know. Rather than cribbing, my dear friend RDX will ask me, what have I done to solve this problem. Well, I am going to caste my vote, and ensure that I tell other people to do so.

PLEASE PLEASE CAST YOUR VOTE. Ensure that spineless scoundrels like Chidambaram, MKK etc do not get elected to continue to abuse your senses.

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Peace!

Of Dreams, rants, tennis and other inane stuff...

I've been having dreams involving people I know personally, and not very nice dreams they have been. I only hope they never "see the light of day".

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How much ever I seem to earn on paper, at the end of the month, I only seem to be getting peanuts. Aaaarrrrghhhhh! Chidambaram!!! You darn dog!

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I just cannot understand how we Indians continue to pin our hopes on that higly-overpaid highly-underachieving Sania and Tendulkar and the like. Its a given that they are yet another bunch of talented yet greedy losers. When will we change?

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Of late, I've noticed that I seem to be thinking really really clearly when taking a dump! I have these really startling ideas on how to solve issues at work when bowel movement happens! And I've been astounded by my own ideas that are "generated". What's happening to me? What could be the reason for this "crystal clarity when dumping" ???

One of my colleagues suggested that it is possibly because it is really quiet, and nothing interesting enough to divert your attention.

Possible...

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While we on the subject of taking a dump, when I had my previous mobile (Nokia 6630), I practically took gaming to the next level - that is, gaming in the loo. Aaah... SkyForce Reloaded game never felt as good as it felt when gaming in on the pot! AbSoLuTe BlIsS! The pot really rocked..... LOL

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Moving to a slightly related topic, you may have a noticed that I said "previous mobile". Due to sibling pressure, I had to part with that beauty of a mobile, and present it to my sister. And now, I am walking around with a technologically advanced phone. Its really amazing. It is also a flashlight. And damn, the battery in this one ROX BIG TIME! I get like 8 days of battery life on this one. Can you guess which one???? The mighty and amazingly powerful Nokia 1108

Or should I have called it "technologically challenged phone" ???

One of the major gripes that I have with this "new" one is that its keyad go clickety-clack-clack when typing sms's or playing that game in meeting rooms. Damn! The entire room can hear it. Meetings used to be such great places to hone your mobile gaming skills!

Pity that the "scope" of honing has reduced greatly...

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I've been hooked onto these three songs for this past week:
1) Tu Hi Meri Shab Hai (Euro Mix) from the movie Gangster
2) Woh Lamhe (DjMix) from the movies Zeher
3) Mummy ko nahi hai pata (Remix)

Especially the second one. It is just toooooo damn superrrrrrrr! And dont even get me started on the third one. I have to control myself from just starting to dance when I hear this song.

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I read somewhere that it is possible to burn 400 calories in 20 minutes on the elliptical cross-trainer (as shown in the digital meter). I've been trying to get near that mark. Of course, not in one go, but in two sets of 10 minutes each. Today I managed to reach 184 calories in 10 minutes. I believe that 200 in 10 is doable. But dont expect me to even be talking after the first round. Damn tough one this!

Usually, in the second round, I am able to manage only about 160.

My gym instructors are baffled when I tell them that I am trying to target 200 cals in 10 mins. They're like "Dude! You're animal."

Pity, all that slogging doesn't show up physically anywhere.

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When I was small, I used to say all the darndest things. There used to be this christian newly wedded couple next to our house in Bahrain (I was in Bahrain till the 3rd-standard). And my parents used to invite them over to our house for time-pass. The lady's name was Rita. One evening, after they left, my father remarked to my mother that Rita looked like a horse. They didn't realize that I was listening intently to them (I was quite young - probably in 1st standard at that time - and anything I heard I used to pay very good attention). The next day, when the kinda Aunt Rita came over, and when she and my mother were cutting some vegetables, I happily squealed

"Aunty. My daddy said that you look like a horse"

I used to think that "looking like a horse" was a compliment.

I still wonder what my mother said to Rita after the squealing of the said "compliment".

I wonder whether my mother remembers this incident. If she does, I probably will ask her, and post what happened afterwards.

I believe, an outsider would have had a good laugh.

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Hmmm... what else? I recently discovered that when you consume alcohol, even a teeny weeny little amount on an empty stomach, it goes STRAIGHT to the head... in minutes.

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Ok folks, that's a wrap. Ciao. Till next, take care!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies...

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Oops!!

Ever noticed that when you are just skimming through various lines in a page, your eyes sometimes see words which your brain interprets totally differently

I was just scrolling down the various entries in
The Dilbert Blog. In a hurry, I actually saw:

Spying on the Pope

as

Spaying the Pope

Ahem!

They'll find us...

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I
 see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to  live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart, I totally forgot about that..." she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest  hug  in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rajiv answers, "We're saved! They'll find us! Yahoo!!"

Top Stupid Questions people ask in obvious situations

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Perfect Reply:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here... Want one?

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Perfect Reply:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people??? Booohooo....
Perfect Reply:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Perfect Reply:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- Chickoo, you've become soooooo big.
Perfect Reply:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Perfect Reply:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive dolt... it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Perfect Reply:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa cross-dress or not. You thought I was sleeping??? You dumb retard!!!

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Perfect Reply:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Perfect Reply:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Perfect Reply:- What the? It was a chalk just a few seconds ago and now it's in flames !!! HOLY CRAP! Can you believe it? GOD IS GREAT!!!

Interesting Responses

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid

 

 

Interviewer: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!
Interviewee: My choice is one really difficult question.
Interviewer: Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. What comes first, Day or Night?
Interviewee: (jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer) (thinks for a while...) It's the DAY sir!
Interviewer: How?
Interviewee: Sorry sir, you promised that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!
He was selected for IIM!

Blue Mormon

Snapped today in my office. Believe me, this one was HUGE!

Embarrassment!

Giving a training, and finding that the training server is down!

    - Mildly embarrassing.

Seaching for the right words in the middle of trying to give the perfect example.

    - Also Mildly embarrassing.

Seeing people nod-off dozing away while you are training the folks.

    - Slightly More than Mildly embarrassing.

Finding that your pant zipper has been unzipped all this time.

    - HOLY CRAP! EMBARRASSING! BIG TIME!

Nice quote

REAL MEN are KIND to animals!

This seen on John Abraham's shirt is even more good to see. If celebrities like him do more like this, it would go a long way to doing our bit for the creatures on this planet that can't voice out their opinion.

Four Little Animals

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my mom always says ."

The teacher asked "Really and what four little animals would that be?"

The little girl said. "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all."

The teacher fainted.

Can two wrongs make a right?

Yesterday, a person who is a rather prolific writer in various newsgroup maintained in our company, had posted a few pictures of a recent encounter he had had with a Cobra. Let's call him SM. He and his wife were out shopping, when they chanced upon a lady selling the said cobra.

It seems that this was his second encounter with the said lady, and that he had seen the same lady trying to sell the same snake a few days ago. And apparently, at that time, the snake was rather angry, hissing and striking at passers-by. There wasn't any problem of anybody getting poisoned if bitten by the hapless snake, because the lady had "defanged" the cobra.

On the day of the second encounter, the snake was looking rather weak, and wasn't hissing or striking at anybody. Upon asking the lady, she said that it was close to dying, and that even though she was feeding it milk, it was just regurgitating the milk. Such was the ignorance of the lady selling the snake.

Now, though SM got his chance to personally touch and feel a "live" snake, he was feeling rather morose about the pitiable state of such a magnificent creature. That, because of human greed, non-human life-forms have to suffer, be forcefully removed from their natural surroundings, brutally violated its way of life, and made use of for human greed and commercial gain.

SM was asking what can be done. At the time, I didn't fathom that he was asking that question "philosophically".

I happen to know the contact of a person who is the head of the local PFA (People For Animals) chapter. And I myself have been in touch with this PFA person quite a few times when I rescued a few creatures and called him up on what next to do.

I gave SM the contact details of the PFA person, and asked him to immediately contact the PFA person, so that the PFA person could immediately rush to the spot, and confiscate the hapless cobra, and take good care of both the poor creature and the wrong-doing lady.

It was then that SM raised the philosophical angle to his question. He was questioning what would the PFA person do? The cobra had been defanged, and would surely be a total misfit if once again re-released in the wild? To this, I said, the PFA person will, in most likelyhood, not be re-introducing the Cobra back into the wild, and that he would personally take care of the Cobra, and that the Cobra would be in good hands.

SM then asked - don't you think that by doing that, we are putting frogs and rats to more harm? In the normal course of action, all those rats and frogs wouldn't have been caught by the snake. Aren't we short-circuiting nature's way by now helping a Cobra, albeit helpless, in continuing its way of life?

I hadn't thought of the situation in this angle.

But then, I immediately told him - did anybody ask the Cobra whether it can be defanged so brutally, and be made use of commercally for human greed? Was the Cobra given a chance to take this decision?

By helping this "defanged" Cobra with "artificial" food - by way of rats and frogs - though we are just ensuring that the Cobra is more successful at getting its food, are we doing anything against nature's preset food-chain?

SM was initially sticking to "I feel we are not doing this the right way". But when I put forth the argument, he was like "Oh.. hmmmm... Yeah... That is also there..."

Are we doing anything that is not normal? Are we trying to make two wrongs a right?

Why is it that every other creature on this planet needs to be put to enormous strain and misery just to satisfy our human greed and need for commercialization?

I do not like to say this, and I feel rather demoralized and discouraged, but I feel well intentioned channels like Discovery and National Geographic are fighting a losing battle against Human Greed.

There is this quote that is regularly aired on Discovery:

Our world can satisfy our needs, but can't satisfy our greed! So please - use only what you need!

Aaaarrrggghhh!!! Just miss!

Some say 'The eye is the window to the soul'!

So take, take me home!

The power of human expression

Two words can bring down a empire
One dream can change the world
One raised finger can break a billion hearts
And two can win a world war
One act of defiance can spark a revolution
One touch can instill faith
A single whisper can inspire hope
Some voices can move a nation
Yet some others can dissolve boundaries
A Thousand Candles can end a War
That's the power of Human Expression.

Yet another Independence Day...

Yet another Indian Independence Day passes by. Nothing interesting to do. Just sit at home, gazing at the walls, doing nothing in general... *sigh*

BTW, I don't seem to understand what is the fixation with people wanting men also to look fair. Even my parents are pestering me into applying this cream, use that facial, go to this salon, try that pedicure. Why can't people accept me for who I am, and not what I look like?

Slogging it off at the gym seems soooooo much of an effort. Just sweating out 500 calories (as indicated by the digital meters on the various machines) feels like my entire chest is about to explode. And at the end of it, there is nothing to show for it. Not even a nono-gram loss. I think my body hates me for pestering it to lose weight. The more I pester it, the more it is adamant about not losing weight. I feel like this: 

It does not feel good to know that you've been rejected. It is a big blow, both psychologically, and mentally. Whatever you've been slogging off for seems to be of absolutely no use whatsoever.

Ok. Writer's Block big time. Till it clears up, ciao, and take care until then.

Oh, and BTW, in case it really does matter, HAPPY INDIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY! I know it means a lot to a lot of people, but then, its not easy to draw the line on what it actually means.

Live Life King Size! Hooyeah!

Life as a waiter...

I came across this blog recently. It is a very interesting read. Typical American type humor, yet provides good insights into what it is really like to be just an everyday guy slogging it off being a waiter.

Head to: Waiter Rant

What a burden women carry...

I heard this in a serial being played out on a local channel:

A woman can fail as a sister, she can fail as a wife, but she SHOULD NEVER EVER FAIL AS A MOTHER

How True... How True!

Tax Cuts - A Simple Lesson In Economics

Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh $7.
The eighth $12.
The ninth $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."

So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'?

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal. So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works.

The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D
Distinguished Professor of Economics