Of Dreams, rants, tennis and other inane stuff...

I've been having dreams involving people I know personally, and not very nice dreams they have been. I only hope they never "see the light of day".

---

How much ever I seem to earn on paper, at the end of the month, I only seem to be getting peanuts. Aaaarrrrghhhhh! Chidambaram!!! You darn dog!

---

I just cannot understand how we Indians continue to pin our hopes on that higly-overpaid highly-underachieving Sania and Tendulkar and the like. Its a given that they are yet another bunch of talented yet greedy losers. When will we change?

---

Of late, I've noticed that I seem to be thinking really really clearly when taking a dump! I have these really startling ideas on how to solve issues at work when bowel movement happens! And I've been astounded by my own ideas that are "generated". What's happening to me? What could be the reason for this "crystal clarity when dumping" ???

One of my colleagues suggested that it is possibly because it is really quiet, and nothing interesting enough to divert your attention.

Possible...

---

While we on the subject of taking a dump, when I had my previous mobile (Nokia 6630), I practically took gaming to the next level - that is, gaming in the loo. Aaah... SkyForce Reloaded game never felt as good as it felt when gaming in on the pot! AbSoLuTe BlIsS! The pot really rocked..... LOL

---

Moving to a slightly related topic, you may have a noticed that I said "previous mobile". Due to sibling pressure, I had to part with that beauty of a mobile, and present it to my sister. And now, I am walking around with a technologically advanced phone. Its really amazing. It is also a flashlight. And damn, the battery in this one ROX BIG TIME! I get like 8 days of battery life on this one. Can you guess which one???? The mighty and amazingly powerful Nokia 1108

Or should I have called it "technologically challenged phone" ???

One of the major gripes that I have with this "new" one is that its keyad go clickety-clack-clack when typing sms's or playing that game in meeting rooms. Damn! The entire room can hear it. Meetings used to be such great places to hone your mobile gaming skills!

Pity that the "scope" of honing has reduced greatly...

---

I've been hooked onto these three songs for this past week:
1) Tu Hi Meri Shab Hai (Euro Mix) from the movie Gangster
2) Woh Lamhe (DjMix) from the movies Zeher
3) Mummy ko nahi hai pata (Remix)

Especially the second one. It is just toooooo damn superrrrrrrr! And dont even get me started on the third one. I have to control myself from just starting to dance when I hear this song.

---

I read somewhere that it is possible to burn 400 calories in 20 minutes on the elliptical cross-trainer (as shown in the digital meter). I've been trying to get near that mark. Of course, not in one go, but in two sets of 10 minutes each. Today I managed to reach 184 calories in 10 minutes. I believe that 200 in 10 is doable. But dont expect me to even be talking after the first round. Damn tough one this!

Usually, in the second round, I am able to manage only about 160.

My gym instructors are baffled when I tell them that I am trying to target 200 cals in 10 mins. They're like "Dude! You're animal."

Pity, all that slogging doesn't show up physically anywhere.

---

When I was small, I used to say all the darndest things. There used to be this christian newly wedded couple next to our house in Bahrain (I was in Bahrain till the 3rd-standard). And my parents used to invite them over to our house for time-pass. The lady's name was Rita. One evening, after they left, my father remarked to my mother that Rita looked like a horse. They didn't realize that I was listening intently to them (I was quite young - probably in 1st standard at that time - and anything I heard I used to pay very good attention). The next day, when the kinda Aunt Rita came over, and when she and my mother were cutting some vegetables, I happily squealed

"Aunty. My daddy said that you look like a horse"

I used to think that "looking like a horse" was a compliment.

I still wonder what my mother said to Rita after the squealing of the said "compliment".

I wonder whether my mother remembers this incident. If she does, I probably will ask her, and post what happened afterwards.

I believe, an outsider would have had a good laugh.

---

Hmmm... what else? I recently discovered that when you consume alcohol, even a teeny weeny little amount on an empty stomach, it goes STRAIGHT to the head... in minutes.

---

Ok folks, that's a wrap. Ciao. Till next, take care!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies...

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Oops!!

Ever noticed that when you are just skimming through various lines in a page, your eyes sometimes see words which your brain interprets totally differently

I was just scrolling down the various entries in
The Dilbert Blog. In a hurry, I actually saw:

Spying on the Pope

as

Spaying the Pope

Ahem!

They'll find us...

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I
 see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to  live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"

"No, sweetheart, I totally forgot about that..." she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest  hug  in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rajiv answers, "We're saved! They'll find us! Yahoo!!"

Top Stupid Questions people ask in obvious situations

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Perfect Reply:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here... Want one?

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Perfect Reply:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people??? Booohooo....
Perfect Reply:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Perfect Reply:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- Chickoo, you've become soooooo big.
Perfect Reply:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Perfect Reply:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive dolt... it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Perfect Reply:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa cross-dress or not. You thought I was sleeping??? You dumb retard!!!

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Perfect Reply:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Perfect Reply:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Perfect Reply:- What the? It was a chalk just a few seconds ago and now it's in flames !!! HOLY CRAP! Can you believe it? GOD IS GREAT!!!

Interesting Responses

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid

 

 

Interviewer: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!
Interviewee: My choice is one really difficult question.
Interviewer: Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. What comes first, Day or Night?
Interviewee: (jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer) (thinks for a while...) It's the DAY sir!
Interviewer: How?
Interviewee: Sorry sir, you promised that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!
He was selected for IIM!